Moving on: Why comparing yourself to your ex’s new flame is a recipe of destruction

Going through a break up, divorce or separation is never easy and it can be increasingly difficult when you have lingering feelings. Understand that feeling jealous, resentful, sad and angry are all natural but constantly comparing yourself to your ex's new partner can have negative effects on your mental health and well-being.

Let me be real with you, learning the news that my ex was moving was really hard on me. I can’t tell you if it was more heartbreaking to have my sister be the one to share this with me or the fact that when I brought it up he didn’t even try to deny it.

With a broken heart I fell in a trap full of negativity and comparing thoughts

“I don’t want that Fck*n B*tch around my daughter” “What does she have that I don’t?”

It’s normal for you to fall into the temptation of trying to measure up to your ex’s new flame. In this blog, we will explore why comparing yourself can be harmful and 5 actionable steps for you to smash this destructive habit.

First let’s discuss the negatives, when we obsess over comparing ourselves you are slowly but surely diminishing your self-worth. You start to believe that your ex’s new partner is somehow superior, which is now making you feel unworthy and unlovable. This unhealthy obsession of constantly comparing yourself is increasing your jealousy and resentment, it consumes you. When you take a moment to acknowledge your actions and thoughts you come to the realisation that all of this prolongs your healing.

Preventing you from fully accepting the end of the relationship and finally taking the step forward to investing in your personal growth. Now that you know the damage it causes, here are steps you can take to overcome the comparison.

1. Acceptance: The highs and lows of emotions are completely normal. Don’t judge yourself about how you feel but rather acknowledge and accept. Understand that comparing is normal but not a healthy one.

2. Practice self-compassion: Switch your focus back to you stop obsessing over the shortcomings. Treat yourself with kindness and respect. Remember that you are worthy of Love and Respect.

3. Limit social media: Don’t do it, stop searching for what you already know! The best thing you can do is Unfollow & Delete. Not everything that you see on social media is TRUTH, sometimes social media can portray an idealised version of reality. Girl, comparing yourself to what you see is so unfair to you.

4. Foster gratitude: Shift your focus to the positives in your life. Keep a journal, write regularly and note what you're grateful for. Putting this to practise can lead to a mindset shift towards happiness and self-appreciation.

5. Supportive Network: Never feel ashamed to seek help. Surround yourself with supportive friends, family, therapist or even a coach. Having a strong community that offers support can provide fresh perspectives, encouragement and a space where you feel safe enough to share your feelings.

Remember, be gentle with yourself because overcoming this habit of comparison is a process that requires patience.

Embrace your UNIQUENESS, cherish your journey and trust that someone will come into your life at the right time.

Now focus on your personal growth, happiness and continue to move towards your greatness. Take the first step today, You deserve it.

With love,

Jenifer xo